Who Are Your Role Models and Who Are You a Role Model For?

When we think about role models, we often picture people we admire from a distance. A parent, teacher, mentor, public figure, or even a fictional character who represents qualities we value.

Strength. Compassion. Integrity. Courage. Growth.

What is easy to forget is that role models are chosen, not assigned. Someone may hold authority, visibility, or influence in your life, but that does not automatically make them someone you need to follow. You are allowed to be thoughtful and selective about who shapes your values, beliefs, and behavior. Role modeling is not a one-way street. While we are influenced by others, we are also influencing people around us all the time, often without realizing it.

Choosing Your Role Models

Role models are not perfect people. They are people whose values, actions, or ways of responding to difficulty resonate with you. Sometimes they model resilience. Sometimes they model boundaries. Sometimes they show you what healing can look like over time.

You also get to decide which qualities you want to carry forward and which ones you want to leave behind. A parent, supervisor, or leader may have played a significant role in your life, but you are not obligated to adopt their worldview, coping strategies, or relational patterns. You can appreciate what was helpful while consciously choosing a different path in areas that no longer align.

In that sense, discernment is a form of self-trust. Discernment means recognizing that influence is inevitable, but agreement is optional. It is the practice of pausing to ask whether something aligns with your values, your needs, and the person you are becoming rather than assuming that authority, familiarity, or history determine what is right for you.

For many people, especially those raised in environments where obedience, harmony, or survival mattered, following the lead of others became a way to stay safe or connected. Discernment invites something different. It invites you to listen to your own internal cues, reflect on your lived experience, and give those signals weight. You can respect someone and still disagree with them. You can learn from a person without modeling your life after theirs. You can honor what helped you survive while choosing what will help you thrive now.

Each time you choose intentionally rather than reflexively, you reinforce the belief that your inner compass is worth listening to. Over time, discernment becomes less about questioning others and more about standing in quiet confidence with your own values.

Who Are You a Role Model For?

This question can feel uncomfortable. Many people underestimate their influence or feel pressure to live up to an impossible standard. But being a role model does not require flawlessness.

You may be a role model for your children, partners, friends, coworkers, or clients. You may be modeling how to handle stress. How to set boundaries. How to repair after conflict. How to ask for help. How to rest. Even choosing not to follow someone else’s lead can be a form of modeling. When you step out of patterns that no longer serve you, you quietly give others permission to do the same.

Moments of honesty, accountability, and self-compassion matter. They show that growth is allowed to be imperfect and human.

Holding Both at Once

Most of us are both learning and leading at the same time. We are shaped by the people who came before us, and we are shaping the environments we move through now. This is not about pressure or performance. It is about awareness and choice. You get to choose who you learn from. You get to choose what you carry forward. And whether you realize it or not, those choices ripple outward.

A Gentle Reflection 🤔

You might consider journaling on these questions:

  ⁘ Who has influenced the way I see myself and the world?

   ⁘ Which of their qualities feel aligned with who I want to be?

    ⁘ Where have I consciously chosen a different direction?

   ⁘ Who might be learning from how I navigate my own life?

You do not need to follow anyone blindly to grow. And you do not need to be perfect to be a meaningful role model. Being intentional, reflective, and open to change is often more than enough.

If you're curious about how therapy can help create change in your life or want to talk more about what you're going through, I'm here. Book a free consultation today. No pressure, just a conversation.

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